


the essence of happiness is in yourself

by lingerl0ser



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Trans Ben Hanscom, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-12 01:53:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29002524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lingerl0ser/pseuds/lingerl0ser
Summary: Shit, that was the question wasn’t it. “Um,” he paused, telling himself not to stall, just to tell her now. “Could we sit down first?”The internal turmoil of Ben and wholesome love from the losers.
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh
Kudos: 5





	the essence of happiness is in yourself

**Author's Note:**

> just a quick note before you start, i will be addressing Ben as she/her throughout the fic, even before she comes out because this is her pov! 
> 
> hope yall enjoy some wholesome fluff <3

“Heya Bev, could we hangout? I wanna talk if that's ok.”

“Yeah, sure. Meet you at the dinner for lunch?

“Cool. Thanks.”

Ben let go of the metaphorical breath she’d been holding in and put down the phone. Honestly, this was not a conversation she’d been looking forward to. Her and Bev had been dating for coming up to a year and since then she’d had a lot of inner emotional turmoil. 

Ben was trans.

Most of the time she ran it through her head it felt really over dramatic, it's 2019, people are accepting now. But she was still in a relationship with a straight girl. She knew Bev loved her and would accept her but she wasn’t sure if she could handle the inevitable breakup, she loved Bev so much it was unreal.

Worrying wasn't going to change the future though, it would only stress her out more and she couldn't let her talk herself out of coming out, she was going to do it. Ben stood in front of her bedroom mirror, sometimes you've gotta be your own hype man right? ‘Ok Ben, this is good. You look good,’ she told herself. She was wearing light wash blue jeans, a pale yellow jumper and white sneakers, pretty simple and comfortably androgynous. 

She stayed in front of the mirror, talking herself up for about ten minutes before picking up her satchel and heading out. Her favourite playlist and the minute was a classic mix of Cyndi Lauper and New Kids on the Block, a feel good playlist for a not so feel good time. 

As she neared the dinner, her anxiety levels skyrocketed. She could see Bev leaning against the dinner wall, cigarette in hand. She was wearing Ben's favourite outfit of hers, a knee length floral dress with a baggy jean jacket and her clunky steel toed boots. To say the least, she looked great. 

“Heya Benny,” she pushed off of the wall and approached her as she neared the door.

“Hey Bev.”

“You alright? What d'ya wanna talk about?”

Shit, that was the question wasn’t it. “Um,” he paused, telling himself not to stall, just to tell her now. “Could we sit down first?”

“Sure.” She grabbed Ben's hand and pulled her into a booth near the back, “i’ll go get up milkshakes, ok?”

“Yeah, um that’d be great, thanks.” 

“Strawberry?”

“Always,” she forced a smile. God was she a stuttering mess right now. She watched Bev walk up to the counter, at least she was in a comfortable place to come out. Bev wouldn’t make a scene in public if something went wrong and Ben found strange comfort under the retro lights of the dinner. 

Bev slid back into the booth and they sat in silence for a minute, just sipping on their milkshakes before Ben spoke up.

“So um,” she took a deep breath, “I've got a lot to explain. Is it ok if I just talk, if I stop I'm not sure I'll be able to start again.” Bev nodded in affirmations so she continued. “Ok um, to cut to the chase, I'm trans. I’ve been thinking about it for almost six months i think and it's been really stressing me out so i thought I'd just get it out and tell you.”

“Oh ok. Is there a name you’d prefer me to call you or do you still wanna go by your birth name?”

“Oh, I mean I think i wanna stick with Ben for now. I hadn’t really considered that bit. Mainly I’ve been thinking about us?” The pit of anxiety was reaching the point of collapse, she’d been trying not to get her hopes up but it was difficult, she could barely look at Bev.

“What d’ya mean? I still like you. This isn’t going to change anything.”

“But… I'm a girl? and you're straight?” This was one hundred percent not how she expected it to go.

“I know, i’ll work it out, I think. But as I said I still like you and I'm not about to end us just because of your identity. I care about you Benny.”

Bev was the best person in the world. That was just a fact in Ben's mind. It had been a week since she had come out and Bev had already taken her thrifting and taught her how to do eyeliner. Her girlfriend was truly the best. 

The next step was to come out to her friends.

The losers were great, seriously, but they rarely talked about stuff like that as a group. Bev talked to Richie, Richie talked to Stan, Eddie talked to Bill and Ben talked to Mike. The last time she remembered them having a heart to heart as a group was when Richie came out and Ben wasn’t sure she wanted to initiate the next one. 

So they came up with a plan.

At lunch that day Bev would initiate a semi serious conversation so Ben could say what he needed without getting whiplash from going from whatever kind of half bickering the group was doing to dead serious.

And so, the plan was in motion.

Bevs part was easy. 

“Yo, what the fuck is up with all this homework,” it wasn’t the strongest start on Bevs part but Ben had faith, “Like, I’m depressed Steven. Back the fuck up.”

Richie wheezed, “honestly same, for reals though are you ok?”

“Yeah, I'm ok. Not really in the mood to talk about shit right now.” The mood of the circle was all of a sudden much more sombre, “Ben though…” 

She almost laughed, “So smooth Bev, I do have something to say though.” The whole group was looking at her and holy fuck was it stressful, “So um, I’m trans?”

It felt like the whole room went dead. As per usual, Mike was the one to break the silence, in the nicest way possible, “so what pronouns do you wanna use? and are you changing your name?”

She breathed a sigh of relief, at least Mike was ok with it. “No, I’m still using Ben at the minute but I use mostly she pronouns and occasionally they pronouns.”

The group was awesome about it. She had to explain a few things to them but they all congratulated her and they were the best about pronouns. 

The next few weeks were great, she finally felt like herself. People were using her pronouns and she wore a dress out for the first time and Bev helped styled her growing out hair into a more feminine cut and Stan stopped by with a bag of makeup. Not that Ben knows how it got it, and she wasn’t going to ask.

It had been almost two months before Bev called her and they held an incredibly similar conversation to the one they held before Ben came out. And it was driving Ben anxiety up the wall. 

She arrived at the dinner before Bev this time though so she grabbed them the booth at the back and ordered two milkshakes and a side of chips. She only had to wait about ten minutes before Bev sat down in front of her, “before I start, and before you dive yourself inane, which I know you're doing right now by the way, this isn’t a breakup conversation.”

Ben actually laughed this time, “thanks.”

“All I wanted to say was I’ve been looking into myself for a while and I think I’m a lesbian. It's a bit strange to say out loud for the first time but I never questioned my sexuality because I’ve always liked you but now i think i'm realising that i’ve only ever liked girls.”

“That's really awesome Bev, I’m so proud of you.”

She smiled at her, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> fjhlskhfjfhslkd i hope you enjoyed this oneshot! i had loads of fun writing it, remember to stay safe and wear a mask. love yall <3


End file.
